to believe or not to believe? am i being cruel to myself?

went back to school today to submit my receipts for maternity claims, my dental and doctor visits. then i went on to speak to the HR manager about my concerns ... what if i dun come back after maternity ends... planning to stop work to look after baby full time.

Why? cos 1st of all, everyone else in the family is working ... earning more than i am! I would love to nurture my baby, showering her with love and showing her the world myself. Lastly, i dun want my child to be with strangers, would prefer that she is taken care by family members! to gx and i, it not feasible to have a maid just to look after Rachel, space for maid limited and i will be worried as there is no time to build relationship with maid thus trust is not there. i am a worried queen!

so with a kind intention, i mentioned that i might not come back... i dun want to leave my tcher in lurch... first a sub to take the 1st month as i am due to return to work in Sept, then work 1 weeks as i need to serve 2 weeks of notice then leave my tcher and she is to start her school year training another person, having in total 3 person as her assistant since school starts... HR say they would still pay my maternity bills since i gave them ample notice and they appreciate my goodwill and i informed them early ... should i tender? they say the school is not so mean as not to pay for me since i work there for more than a year... i need to inform my tcher and principal... but should i take their word? Am i being kind to others and cruel to myself?

As i am 10 mth contract employee as SAS dun pay during June and July summer hols, my maternity pay out is only left 2 mths. Yes looogi ... heard that so many times during my pregancy whereby people can ask me endless times, some can be the same people asking every week - so when are you due? WAH loooogi leh! so now i just hope they honour their words...

Dun think they would be cruel to me... i am praying hard!