to believe or not to believe? am i being cruel to myself?

went back to school today to submit my receipts for maternity claims, my dental and doctor visits. then i went on to speak to the HR manager about my concerns ... what if i dun come back after maternity ends... planning to stop work to look after baby full time.

Why? cos 1st of all, everyone else in the family is working ... earning more than i am! I would love to nurture my baby, showering her with love and showing her the world myself. Lastly, i dun want my child to be with strangers, would prefer that she is taken care by family members! to gx and i, it not feasible to have a maid just to look after Rachel, space for maid limited and i will be worried as there is no time to build relationship with maid thus trust is not there. i am a worried queen!

so with a kind intention, i mentioned that i might not come back... i dun want to leave my tcher in lurch... first a sub to take the 1st month as i am due to return to work in Sept, then work 1 weeks as i need to serve 2 weeks of notice then leave my tcher and she is to start her school year training another person, having in total 3 person as her assistant since school starts... HR say they would still pay my maternity bills since i gave them ample notice and they appreciate my goodwill and i informed them early ... should i tender? they say the school is not so mean as not to pay for me since i work there for more than a year... i need to inform my tcher and principal... but should i take their word? Am i being kind to others and cruel to myself?

As i am 10 mth contract employee as SAS dun pay during June and July summer hols, my maternity pay out is only left 2 mths. Yes looogi ... heard that so many times during my pregancy whereby people can ask me endless times, some can be the same people asking every week - so when are you due? WAH loooogi leh! so now i just hope they honour their words...

Dun think they would be cruel to me... i am praying hard!

GX is away for the first time since baby birth

my heart dropped when gx told me he was confirmed gog to msia KL on Wed... he was leaving on friday afternoon from work and will be back on sunday... with an aching body esp shoulder and waist... i have to face doing my night duties alone at mums.

people may think we are crazy to think our baby is a super baby but who cares! when gx called and i on the speaker, my dear baby looked around frantically to see her daddy's face and from making sweet noises of ohhh ahhh she started frowning and making sad noises and got irritated making argggg sounds when she dun see her daddy... gx was happy that little one miss him but he was missing Rach so much more after listening to our little gal!

first nite i slept with mum and it was sweet that baby Rach shared the bed with me! duty was slow but she was good, didnt cry but made noises to wake me up and was patiently waiting for her milk while sucking on her pacifier. woke up 3 times from midnite for milk and diaper change.
2nd nite i decided to sleep downstairs in the living room as the whole nite in the aircon room i kept waking up to check to make sure baby is ok and not catching any cold! also it was a hassle to have to bring her portable milk and diaper stuff up in the nite and in the morning bring it downstairs! lucky me dad was home and he helped me with her 1st feed and for the 2nd feed i did it on my own!

gx came back later than planned but everything was good when he was away. i need to thank my sis who looked after baby on Sat with my bil from 2pm-7pm! i had dental appt and then popped into orchard taka to search for sil's bdae gift. but didnt find anything for her but got dap a bdae gift and baby stuff. hopefully my watch is not gog to cost a bomb to fix. am fed up that my tag just stopped, didnt drop it and its lousy! sis said my is prob a faulty pc! she wore hers for almost 10years and is ok! Orchard has changed so much that i feel like a mountain turtle! will wait till baby is much bigger, no more h1n1 cases before exploring these new shopping malls!

i was glad i survived during the 3 days and it was not as bad. baby was good and she listened to me. little Rachel made my day easier! the cutest thing she did was to wait for me to come home after my orchard exploration .... to poo! told her not to poo when i am away as her aunty wot know how to clean her mess! so the moment i step in looked at her in her cot... her face grew red and got redder! sis phew in relief that i was back and grandma couldnt stop laughing when she came back from work to hear how clever her granddaughter was!

Earth Mama milkmaid tea

I need to thank passerby, emily and Angie for all the information! i am thankful that i have you gals (passerby and emily) who read my blog and you both are so helpful! Thanks for all the help! i got onto the main website and got a reply from Earth Mama. There is a sole distributor in singapore. So i told Angie about my find on the web. Baby loft didnt reply thou its cheaper than the one at Mom essentials. Angie happen to be gog to KK for checkup so she went to get a box and we shared 8 teabags each.

The tea taste very herbal, not sweet alittle more savoury taste. its caffeine free as it uses some raspberry leaves ... as for milk flow, angie thinks it works while i am not very sure as now i dun express out i dun know the volume thou i do feel fuller and when i feed my little gal, she was full enough and didnt need formulae to top up for feed. One point to note is that it may cause low sugar count. So i took it on Tuesday nite and then rest on Wednesday and took a dose on Thursay nite. Angie told me that she felt very tired that very day she first tried the tea... for me as i am taking care of Rach myself with mil help in the morning, i feel tired all the time, can't really tell if its the tea or jus carrying my gal for the whole afternoon that tires me!

I finally took out the b.pump and will try express again soon... then i will be able to determine if the tea works! thanks so much to passerby and emily and also to angie for getting me info as i am so short of time nowadays! This is updated at mum's place! i typed out the text 1st at mums , saved it as draft and uploaded the pics when i got home! pretty sad that i dun have enough time as before to upload my 1st mth with baby, my 3 full month parties and my daily happiness and stress with baby... will try! as i still take little notes down if something special happens!

Milkmaid Tea?

Angie shared an important news with me. Thru her fren she learnt that there is a kind of tea that helps to enhance volume of breastmilk... its Milkmaid Tea. Anyone out there knows where to get it? Its angie's fren's fren who drank it so angie also don't know where to get it. checked the website and its from states and nearest place checked on website is Msia... anyone knows if any organic shops in singapore carry? HELP! thanks in advance!

Ten Years 1999 -2009!

I finally finished my BIG project that i started months ago! my motivation was if i didnt finish it, i will never be able to as i know in future, the videos i do will all be about Rachel and if another baby comes along! The BIG project was to compile photos of GX and me... over 10 years! this year we celebrate being together for 10years! i wanted to give this as a gift to him on March 29... but i didnt get to finish it as i always take afternoon naps! and also busy with many other things! but i am glad i finished it. BUT.... Youtube didnt allow any video more than 10mins to be uploaded... both video exceeded by a few more mins....

Ten Years 1999 - 2005 and 2005 - 2009

so i upload using blogger video... took a longer time but am glad it works! this time i chosen chinese songs as i used alot of english songs for making all the europe trip videos and these are some songs that we like and sang thru the years that we are together. Esp the 1st song by william so and kit chan, it was the theme song of the "first" movie we watched. then haven pa tok yet! well, like my uncle laughed as us, as the video goes on, we "stretched"! sadly its not computer effect... wonder how we both will look like in the next 10 years! skinner? haha... possible? impossible? time will tell!