1st day of 2010!

mn, boom boom boom! saw my first fireworks with my baby girl! my baby very first fireworks... it was beautiful but i was pretending to be happy... happy to see the fireworks shooting way higher this year into the sky above the new structures that are blocking our previous years view... sad cos i had a heavy heart and didnt like that gx jus sat down instead of coming over to hug us. i am quite fussy about being together at moments like this. bad start.

woke up and kept pushing things back and i was packing way too slowly and since gx on dvd, tried to sit down to watch and at the same time entertaining baby r... 2012. my 1st movie of the year... what a way to start... gloomy day... packing and i felt so trapped on the 1st day of the year. then decided to stay hm the whole day. trapped and feeling stupid for making that decision but really didnt want to go out but the atmosphere at hm was dull... gx napped and baby r was restless and was no way near completing my chores... understand its hols but i was the only one who didnt nap....

almost didnt get dinner as gx told me its way too late to eat... hadnt had a proper bite thru the day... it was all snacking. damn upset. he knew as i was really feeling damn low spirit, almost want to cry when i put baby to sleep... i hated the way my 1st day of the year started... lucky he got pils to get dinner and ate before i slept. feeling a little better and hope that the next day would be better but not!

woke up and got to hear things that i dragged... i dun like to be told what to do... thats the truth. i am way too stubborn and i hate it when i decided what to do and its not done my way. i admit thats how i am! hate it when baby is taken away whenever she cries and i dun like it! need to let it out somewhere... i know its for baby's good but everything has 2 side of it... what i do is not gog to hurt baby either!!! I AM THE MUM! i am glad i have support help to run daily routines as baby r is really active but i need to have final say! i am learning to cope with suggestions and i am more ready to hear it out not when i am already prepared to do it my way... now i just hope that the afternoon outing on our own without baby will give me some time to breathe... but yet i worry baby r would make a din with my mum when i am not around... cos my mum is not a YES YES granny... she tends to stop baby r when she is into her bad habits... thus baby r rejects my mum sometimes... my heart is really heavy.